| Announcement |
[07 May 2012|12:35am] |
Well, for those of you who don't already know: Nate & I got engaged! It was a couple weeks ago (April 24).
I came home from work, and he told me that Drake had made me a video. I've barely seen Drake, thanks to my stupid work schedule, but I had just heard that "most likely" I would be getting a full-time clinic position that involved daylight hours. So, he plays the video on his iphone... and Drake tells me that he's excited about me getting a new job so that I could see him more often. He ends it with, "And I think you should marry my dad, because he loves you very much, and I love you very much."
I'm like, "Awww, he's adorable"... but I'm not thinking much beyond that, because hey, Drake's been telling me to marry his dad since Day 1. (Literally -- I don't think we were even "officially" dating yet when I had them over to swim at the apartment one day, and while we were eating lunch, Drake asked, "So, what if you marry my Dad?" Nate almost choked on his french fries, lol.)
Then Nate says, "Maybe we should take his advice." ...and still, I'm not sure where this is going, because we've said things like that before. THEN he pulled out the ring, and I finally realized he was serious. :-)
So, did I know it was coming eventually, maybe even semi-soon? Sure.
Was I expecting it on a random Tuesday night after I just worked a 12-hour day? Not so much.
And the ring is perfect... I never wanted to pick out my own ring, and he never asked, yet he somehow chose perfectly.
Sooo... here we are 2 weeks later, and I'm totally lost on the whole wedding-planning thing. I have a potential photographer lined up (a friend who happens to be an awesome wedding photographer, though I'm still trying to work out the budget), but that's about it. We need to find a venue and set a date (August 2013 is the target), so I guess a ballpark guest list would be a good starting point, right?
We had our moms come up with family-only lists for us, and it's a bit lopsided, to say the least: my side has about 130; his has 25. Of course, my mom keeps telling me that half of my side won't show up because the wedding's going to be in NY, so who knows.
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| Anxious Ramblings... |
[24 Jan 2012|10:47am] |
The new (second) job is going ok. The schedule is hell, and I've yet to be trained on the paperwork (that's supposed to happen today -- unfortunately, I've been seeing clients for a month now, so I'm kinda behind already). But I like doing therapy. So far. I have about 50 hours done... out of 3,000. So it's gonna be a long journey to licensure. :-/
Every so often, a random conversation will trigger massive anxiety. The product of the most recent one is the monologue below:
I would just like it to go on record that I think having a baby is one of my absolute biggest phobias. I seriously have nightmares about being pregnant -- I've had them for years. Not that I don't like kids -- I do (though admittedly, I'm more of a "kid person" than a "baby person." But pregnancy terrifies me, I think labor is horrifying, and the effect that it could potentially have on a relationship also scares me. In my experience, men don't typically handle stress well. Not that women do, necessarily, either -- but when both people are stressed (as would be the case with a new baby), and one of them just went through a traumatic experience (which is how I view labor) that the other can't possibly understand, I don't foresee the relationship going well. Moving into a new house was bad enough, stress-wise...
I just don't see pregancy as this "beautiful experience" that it's supposed to be. I'm sure it is -- for the father, anyway. But several friends have had babies recently, and after hearing all about morning (aka "all day") sickness, heartburn, gestational diabetes, constantly being prodded with needles, not being able to breathe or get comfortable.. then labor, IVs (still phobic of those after a bad experience when I was 11), episiotomies or tearing, epidurals, and all of that... I am legitimately terrified. I don't think I'm cut out for this. I went from "I definitely want kids" to "I don't know, but not anytime soon"... and now I'm 32, still terrified, and don't want to have kids when I'm 40, either.
Ok, it also doesn't help that I've been watching American Horror Story, and part of the storyline involves a demon baby.
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| Stupid SAD... |
[10 Jan 2012|03:02pm] |
Ever have one of those days when you feel like you want to jump out of your own skin? I'm having one. I just feel vaguely crazy/unsettled/restless. I think it's the seasonal depression bullshit that I go through every year... It's been a warm winter so far, but it's just so GRAY. I'm constantly tired, because it's dark when I wake up, and dark when I get out of work.
Then there's the fact that with my new schedule, 3 days a week, I don't get out of work until 8 pm. Yes, I work 8:30 am - 8:00 pm. On the other 2 days, I still work a regular 8-hour day. That's enough to make anyone crazy, I think. (I know nurses work 12-hour shifts sometimes... but they DON'T typically work 5 days a week, when they do.)
I like doing therapy, so far. I'm less enthused with the multitude of paperwork that goes along with it, mainly because I haven't exactly been trained on how to do it correctly, so I'm constantly guessing.
Everything's going pretty well in my life right now... I just feel like a zombie. I really hate this time of year. The only thing I feel like doing lately is shopping, for some reason.
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| And so it begins... |
[30 Nov 2011|04:17pm] |
I start working as a therapist in 2 weeks. On top of my regular job.
Although I need to start getting hours for licensure, and I'll be happy to actually DO what I went to school for (finally!), I'm not entirely thrilled about the schedule... I have to work until 8 Tues-Thurs, which means that I will NEVER see Drake during the week. My total time with him will be every other weekend, for like... the next year or so. That sucks.
On the plus side, my supervisor was willing to work out a plan that decreases the likelihood of my going *entirely* insane, while still allowing me to keep my full time pay and benefits, plus hourly pay for the therapist position. So I totally appreciate that part. And I do need the extra money for the house. I just won't have much of a life...
I'd write more, but I'm feeling pretty sick all of a sudden (too much caffeine, and no water -- that's my guess as to what's wrong), so I think I'm gonna step away from the computer, and maybe hit the water fountain.
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| Ooh, it's been awhile... |
[10 Nov 2011|01:58pm] |
I've barely had time to breathe.
The house is coming along... we determined upon moving in that the previous owners were the Slob Family, so it's been a lot of work. Decided to tear out the carpet downstairs, and refinish the hardwood floors. This meant, effectively, that we couldn't actually move INTO the house for another couple weeks, thanks to dust and chemicals... So the furniture was moved into the garage. If you know me, you know that I don't do well living out of boxes. I held it together for about the first 2 weeks, but then I started to lose it.
We also pulled up the horrible pink carpet in the dining room, only to find not one, but TWO layers of crappy linoleum under it (over the hardwood floors). Those hardwoods weren't salvagable, thanks to copious amounts of glue, so we had to put a new floor over the linoleum.
At any rate, the downstairs now has all new floors, new trim, and new heating vents. :-) Oh, and we painted the living room (teal), spare room (green), and dining room (vanilla). And it looks pretty awesome.
The upstairs is getting there... I finally got a dresser, so my clothes are no longer all over the floor. This makes me happy.
I should also mention that our idiot sellers stole all of our curtain rods and blinds... despite it stating clearly in the contract that they were required to leave them. When I called them on it, they told my agent that they "took them down to wash the windows" (Riiiiight... You dismantled curtain rods that were hung 2 inches ABOVE the window frame, so that you could wash the windows. Nevermind that the windows are still filthy, too.) I hate liars, and I really hate BAD liars. They also claimed that they put said curtain rods in the closet. Well, when we went back to check again, they had left 3 curtain rods in the closet, alright -- minus the brackets to hang them, and the ones they left cost 97 cents at Wal-Mart). The never brought back the NICE ones for the picture windows. And my lawyer only made them credit me $50... That was enough to replace 2 rods, total. They stole them out of EVERY room. So I'm still a bit pissed about that.
I know they did it for spite, too... they left brackets, but stole blinds, and left cheap curtain rods, but stole brackets. They also stole the lightbulbs out of the closets, lol. My agent made them replace those. And they left our doorbell with no cover -- just a box of wires sticking out of the wall. Apparently, it had been that way when they bought the house (or so they say), and they just stuck a shelf and a picture in front of it, because they were too cheap to replace the doorbell. (FYI, it cost $11 to replace.) Oh, and broken glass in the closet...
As I mentioned, they were total slobs. I've been trying to clean the stove for weeks now, and it still won't come clean, due to the insanely thick layer of grease on it. I've tried all sorts of things. The appliances are only 2 years old!!! There's no reason for them to be so disgusting... Yet they left a half-inch thick puddle of goo in the bottom of the fridge, spilled food and liquids in EVERY cabinet (including the really high ones, and the freaking LINEN CLOSET upstairs)... it really is incredible. I'd be willing to bet that they NEVER cleaned, EVER. We have this gorgeous kitchen and new-ish appliances, and everything's disgusting. I had to clean each kitchen cabinet, inside and out, about 4-8 times each to get all of the spilled goo out of them.
So, it's been frustrating.
I've met some of my new neighbors, and they don't have high opinions of the previous owners. (I've been told that the husband was never home, and the wife was "lazy, and too dumb to even tie her shoes.") I also learned that they'd tried to sell the house 2 years ago for $120k, and their own agent laughed at them... because they hadn't updated ANYTHING. So THAT's when they finally decided to buy new appliances, redo the kitchen, and get a new furnace. Given the state of many other things in the house (some of the windows are HORRIBLE -- they had conveniently covered the worst of it with the blinds that they later stole), I have a morbid curiosity to know what the house looked like "before". I'd be willing to bet that the kitchen, like the bathrooms, was original 1962. So they put in these upgrades, probably thinking they'd get MORE for the house, and they ended up selling for much less. Hah! In truth, though, had I known the horrible conditions of the windows, all of the work we'd have to do on the floors, etc. (in addition to the bathrooms, which we'd expected to redo), I think I would've stuck to a LOWER offer, even.
Don't get me wrong, I still love the house, and it's nice being able to customize things the way we want... but every time I run across another idiotic, half-assed "fix" done by the sellers (or a cover-up of something I now have to totally dismantle to clean) I get more and more pissed. The sink had apparently been leaking for some time (warping the new cabinets below), because they were too lazy to fix it... It needed a new ring seal. Which cost less than $1, and took 5 minutes to replace. That's how lazy these people were.
At any rate, I'm now in the wonderful world of homeownership... and I'm not sure how wonderful it is just yet. So far it's been expensive, and a TON of work. Not to mention the stress-induced constant arguing.
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| Can't sleeeeeeeeeeep! |
[21 Sep 2011|02:02am] |
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I can't shut my brain down, so I'm just gonna ramble for awhile.
The house paperwork is making me crazy. I think I have almost all of the pre-closing stuff done, actually... I'm just waiting on one letter, and I have to get my homeowner's insurance (got a quote, but there's no sense in actually paying for the policy until I know when I'm closing). I just constantly feel like I'm forgetting something, and I have 5 different people to communicate with... (agent, 2 mortgage people, and 2 legal people). It's just a lot.
Aiden is going into his "fall crazy" mode. The last 2 times that he's staged a full-out "Cujo" attack on me (complete with baseball-sized bruises, puncture wounds, and blood), it was in October. Once last October, and once the year before. Now, it's only September, and after being amazingly good for pretty much the whole summer, he's bitten me twice in the past week. I don't know how to fix this!!! I think he has feline seasonal depression. Or something along those lines, seriously!
I'm also seriously annoyed at the person on ebay who hasn't paid me (and is already past the deadline)... I've never had to file a non-payment complaint before, but we're heading in that direction.
I've been selling all sorts of random stuff on ebay, actually -- just cleaning out my apartment -- and occasionally making a decent profit. Unfortunately, my brain is so fried right now that I majorly overcharged someone for shipping today... I don't even know HOW I miscalculated it so badly. I don't know how to adjust shipping after the fact (particularly now that ebay takes a cut of your shipping cost, too), so I'm just hoping that she won't be pissed and leave me negative feedback.
In my defense, it was "flat shipping," so technically I could charge whatever I wanted to charge... She knew the price up front. And other sellers had similar shipping prices listed. I just wouldn't have charged so much if I'd calculated it correctly in the first place.
Ebay feedback stresses me out to a degree that is probably out of proportion with the effect that it has on my daily life, lol. But, I want to continue selling stuff, and I don't want crappy feedback to make buyers avoid me.
I got my hair cut/colored today, for the first time since June... the funny thing is, 2 different people asked, "Did you change your hair?" today...BEFORE my appointment. Hah.
I know I'm gonna be exhausted tomorrow... I just can't quiet myself down enough to go to bed. I hope I don't sleep through my alarm(s) again. Did that once last week... not cool.
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| Stuff... and Things |
[14 Sep 2011|10:14am] |
Anxiety level is up. I'm having bad dreams again (fortunately, not the horrible nightmares that I had the entire time I was with Dan... the severity of my nightmares is directly related to my anxiety level, I think). Some of them have to do with house-related things. Others are relationship-y things. A couple have been pet-related (I still have dreams about Juliet every so often, too).
The home-buying process is moving along. I should be getting my commitment letter any day now. I wanna move ASAP!
I'm stressing about money, though. The down payment and closing costs will wipe out the vast majority of my savings, and I'm the type who needs a significant "emergency fund" in order to not freak out. I mean... a house is great and all, but if I lose my job and DON'T have an emergency fund, bye-bye house. So, it's important. Also, I don't know how long my car will last (it's got 107,000 miles on it now, which is a RECORD for me with cars... luckily, Nate & his dad have been able to do some repairs for me). I still love my "impulse buy" car, so I'd be more than happy to keep it as long as possible, but I worry.
Right now, its most obvious problem is that the driver's side window doesn't work... I think it's the motor. Not a huge deal in the winter, I guess, except when I'm trying to use a toll booth or drive-thru (or if a cop pulls me over and I can't roll down the window). The check engine light was on (for an emissions leak), but apparently, slamming my car into a curb took care of that problem... haha. The light hasn't come back on since. (Yeah, I know I probably just knocked the bulb loose... but I feel better not seeing the light.) And it supposedly has a few other leaks, too... so I don't know how well my next inspection will go.
Then there are the things that the house needs... like bathroom renovations. No, these aren't emergencies... but if you look up "tiny 1950s-1960s bathrooms," you will totally find mine. The functionality is my issue! There's no storage space for normal bathroom things (not even a vanity under the sink), the lighting sucks... so I'm going to be very frustrated trying to get ready for work until I can get at least one bathroom into decent condition. But that, again, will cost money. Now, I do have an awesome, 10-jet, soaker jacuzzi tub lined up, so that's pretty sweet. :-) (Nate's friend just renovated someone else's bathroom, and she didn't want the tub anymore... which was only installed a few years ago.) But I can't wait for a total re-do, and I really can't afford it right now.
In other news, I think work is destroying my ankles/knees. I've been wearing heels to work for like a year straight now (after previously being able to work in sneakers), and I'm getting tons of random pains... I had some bad ones in my achilles tendons and feet for awhile, til I associated them with the 4-inch heeled knee-high boots I'd been wearing. Hasn't happened since. But now it's the back of my knee, and according to google, if it's not shoe-related, it could be a blood clot, so... I should probably stop looking at WebMD. And I might have to actually buy flats... much as I hate them. (Seriously, I have an aversion to flat dress shoes.)
I'm growing more and more bitter about the licensing situation, too. They're building office space on the corner of my new street... so if I ever got licensed, I could totally rent a space for a private therapy practice, and WALK to work in about 5 minutes. But at this rate, I'll be retired before I'm licensed.
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| Who buys a house within a week of the time they start looking? |
[28 Aug 2011|01:51am] |
This girl -- that's who.
Yes, I bought the 3rd house I looked at. In my defense, I looked at a couple more AFTER that one, but I didn't like anything else as much, and I didn't wanna lose this one and regret it.
So it's official: I am buying a house! Scheduled to close mid-October, which seems a bit overwhelming, considering the billion things I need to do in the meantime.... but I don't have to be out of my apartment til the end of October, so there's a little overlap.
The house is kind of awesome. TONS of storage space, the basement is partially finished (nice office area), and the bedrooms are freaking huge. The "second" bedroom (which the sellers used for their kids) had TWO queen-sized beds in it, a couple of dressers, and lots of room to spare. The master bedroom is equally gigantic, of course. The 3rd bedroom is currently an "extra family room", because they knocked a wall down... but I have lots of ideas for that room. The kitchen is all new. Attached garage (with pull-down stairs into an attic space IN the garage). Fully fenced-in yard. The only thing I didn't like were the bathrooms -- both are tiny and cramped-feeling, but we're going to end up redoing them both anyway, and can probably extend the upstairs one into one of the aforementioned huge bedrooms. The dining room floor needs redone, too (it's currently horrible, stained, pink carpeting) -- that'll probably be the first project. And I'll wanna add a deck, eventually.
It's actually about 5 minutes CLOSER to work for me, and not at all far from where I live now (with a conveniently located Tim Horton's within walking distance -- just in case my coffee maker ever dies).
So between all of the confusing home-buying stuff, and trying to start packing/cleaning the apartment... things are quite hectic right now. I think licensing will go on the back burner temporarily -- especially since I can't do a damn thing about it right now. (Education is FINALLY approved, but my current job doesn't count for experience, and I have no other prospects until probably November, when I MIGHT be able to start doing part-time hours in the clinic... in which case it will take me 4 years to get my damn license, because I'll have so few hours per week.) What pisses me off is that I could have probably gotten a full-time spot in the clinic, if not for the fact that the state took so long to "process" my transcripts (wasn't eligible for the job without them), and by the time they got around to it a month later, full-time hiring was over.
Anyway... I will try to put that bitterness aside, and focus on the house!
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| The Next Chapter... |
[19 Aug 2011|09:49pm] |
House hunting has begun.
I got my pre-approval (which is approximately 40% higher than the upper limits of my comfort level, so we won't QUITE be going there).
I looked at 2 houses so far (both today), and I think I'm gonna go with the 2nd agent I met, cuz I liked him. The first one seemed kinda snobby and did the whole, "You're never going to find what you want in THAT price range," thing; whereas the second guy told me that he sells LOTS of houses in my price range, and it won't be a problem at all.
(For the record, my price range is NOT that low... most of my friends' houses around here were at or below that level.)
Anyway. The second guy seemed much more helpful. And Chris's mom (real estate agent in NJ) has been emailing me about this stuff and told me to go with my gut on choosing an agent.
As for the houses...
I think the first one was overpriced. Everything about it was "ok", but nothing was really great.
The second house made me feel bipolar, lol. I absolutely LOVED the lower level: spacious layout, updated everything -- except for a little "breakfast area" in the kitchen, which was kept in the original 1930s style and SUPER cute -- HUGE bathroom, 2 enclosed porches, gorgeous French doors between the living room and dining room...
Then I went upstairs, and instantly became claustrophobic. Every room had those low slanted ceilings, so even though the floor space was fine, useable space was another story. My bed actually wouldn't even fit in the bedroom, because there's no space for a headboard. The bathroom had such a low, sloping ceiling (with the toilet tucked into the corner) that I'm fairly sure I'd end up with a concussion from slamming my head into the wall in the middle of the night, lol. Throughout the whole upper level, as short as I am, the ceilings were still so low, and the hallways so narrow, that I felt like I was suffocating. Also, the basement was pretty much useless (and scary). So I don't think that's the one... Man, the first floor was awesome, though.
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| Waiting... |
[12 Aug 2011|11:20am] |
I should be getting my pre-approval email for a mortgage today! (I plan on taking my sweet time looking at houses... my lease isn't even up til next July, but I don't wanna rush anything.)
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| The Saga Continues... |
[21 Jul 2011|12:07pm] |
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Unbelievable.
Ok, so I got a bill from a doctor's appt. that should've been covered in full. Called the insurance company, who told me that yes, it should've been covered in full, but the doctor's office needed to submit the billing under a different code for it to go through.
Called the doctor's office, who told me that they needed the old code to know how to fix it.
Called the insurance company back. They called the doctor's office on my behalf, and apparently the doctor's office agreed to resubmit the bill with whatever codes they needed.
Fastforward a week, and I'm still being told that I owe this money -- no one knows anything about a bill being resubmitted.
Called the insurance company again. Oh wait... now they say it was THEIR mistake in processing, not the doctor's mistake. But yes, everything should be covered. However, it will take them 3 months to reprocess it (despite the fact that it only took 3 weeks to process it the first time). Oh, and in the meantime, I could get sent to collections... ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
Now supposedly, the insurance lady called the other place's billing and got them to agree to put my account on hold and not send me any more bills (or send me to collections), until this gets resolved... in October.
Given how "smoothly" everything has gone thus far, I'm gonna be a stressed out mess for the next 3 months, wondering what else they can manage to screw up.
One benefit of my ridiculously expensive Lasik surgery -- I didn't have to deal with insurance, and the bill wasn't a surprise.
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| Sneaky Hate Spiral... |
[20 Jul 2011|01:56pm] |
If you don't know what it is, google it.
That's how my day is going: nothing extremely bad, but EVERYTHING is annoying. Instead of anything going smoothly, every single thing I do involves having to call the same people over and over in attempt to straighten out a mess.
I truly wish that people would just do their jobs accurately (particularly doctors' office billing departments, insurance companies, and pharmacies -- the places that seem to cause me the most difficulty). Although, I also had to make about 5 calls to Time Warner last week before they switched my internet service (one person would say it was pending and would be switched the next day; the next day, a different person would tell me they had no record of the order...etc.)
I feel like I'm losing my damn mind. I'm glad that I've learned to actually save those confirmation numbers they give you, along with billing statements and printouts of all sorts of stuff. Cuz it's NEVER right, and then they try to act like you're crazy and must have hallucinated it. It drives me insane.
On top of that, this week is just too BUSY. There is something going on every single evening. Fun things, for the most part, but it's too much. I need another vacation already.
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| Ramblings |
[10 Jul 2011|10:27am] |
Well, I survived the Pittsburgh trip without any Xanax. Amazing!
I've been on "staycation" the past week, but it definitely went by too fast, and there wasn't much relaxing involved -- except for yesterday, when a bunch of us went to Green Lakes and chilled on the beach for most of the day.
I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, because I'm going to be slammed, plus I have to go to another allergy appt. in the middle of the day to find out what ELSE I'm allergic to besides all grass, almost all trees, dust, and cats. I may be getting my first round of allergy shots tomorrow, too. Fun.
On the plus side, I only return to work for 4 days, then it's off to Atlantic City for Girlcation. :-) Girlcation started out with about 10 people, and is now down to just me, Mary, and Daniela... which doesn't surprise me.
I'm kinda feeling overwhelmed by crap right now. I had a ton of different doctor's appts. last month, and now I'm getting billing statements saying that I owe lots of money for things that insurance SHOULD have covered (according to all of the paperwork I have), so I have to call and argue w/ them tomorrow. I have a feeling that they'll find some loophole reason why I have to pay for this stuff, even though it makes no sense at all. I hate insurance companies. I'm also pissed at my gym for tacking on a $5 "statement fee" every time they send me a bill... I paid for the whole year up front last summer (my fee is only $5 a month, so their "statement fee" literally DOUBLES what I'm paying -- it's ridiculous). Well, they just sent me the yearly maintenance fee (which should be $15), and there's a $5 fee on that one, too. So annoyed. It doesn't cost them $5 for a stamp and an envelope!
In licensing news, I friended my last professor on facebook, so I now have someone to go to with my questions... It turns out that I'm supposed to get my hours in (at least half of them) BEFORE taking the exam. So I am at an absolute standstill, because I can't get the hours in my current position, and I can't afford to switch jobs. (I've looked, and I'd literally have to take a 25% pay cut... not what I need when I'm already stressed about money, and not really a smart career move, either, considering that WITH the license, I'd either be making around what I make now, or much less, unless I could eventually get into private practice.) I'm starting to think that the stupid license wasn't worth it at all, now that I'm out $6,000 for classes that may or may not get me anywhere. I'm just hoping that if/when my agency opens our clinic in the fall, maybe I can work something out with my boss to do hours there... It's all up in the air.
Given my stress level, I've been on another big decluttering kick. I'm making slow progress, because I found a bunch of old dolls from the 80s (still in amazing condition -- I must've been the most OCD kid ever) that I am trying to sell on ebay. I've only listed one so far, and I got one bid for $10, with a few days to go... but the exact same doll in the box went for $75, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to make a bit more of a profit (mine is in near-perfect condition, just without the box). It'd be nice to clear out my apartment AND make some cash, if possible.
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| UGHHH. |
[18 Jun 2011|12:51am] |
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For once in my life, can I just attend a damn wedding without it being a huge fiasco? I'm so frustrated with all of the hassle surrounding family functions that it's almost not worth going, because I end up with high blood pressure, a pounding headache, and so much stress that I need a week's "staycation" to deal with my weekend roadtrip. (Fortunately, I actually scheduled accordingly this year.)
It's no one in particular's fault, either. There are just too many people and too many factors involved, and nothing is coming together. There's no possible way for me to make everyone happy. The "easiest" solution (but the one that would make me the most miserable) is to go by myself. And honestly, I hate it so much that I've NOT gone to other weddings for that very reason. I actually prefer staying home to attending weddings alone. Maybe that's not normal, or maybe it's conditioning from years of feeling like the black sheep, but that's how I feel at this point.
I'm so incredibly frustrated, hence the reason I'm still awake when I will DEFINITELY be up early tomorrow (Drake's here, I'm taking him to the zoo w/ Nate's mom, and he gets up EARLY), and I have a late night planned for tomorrow night (80s night). It's gonna be a bad day for me. All sparked by my attempt to solidify plans (only because others were asking).
I also think that I may need to find a new therapist -- preferably not a social worker. I just feel like lately, it's all been advice-giving (which is not even supposed to happen, really), and I'm not getting anywhere at all. Maybe I should ask my professor to recommend someone, since SHE seems good, but I can't be her client since she's already had me as a student.
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| Ughhhh. |
[07 Jun 2011|11:40pm] |
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Today was "one of those days." I overslept, my allergies are awful, I'm PMSing, my head hurts, I have more random hives/weird skin issues, and I screwed up my back over the weekend (carrying Drake around, cuz he knows I'm a sucker for the "please pick me up" thing, even though he's too big to be picked up). Oh, and I dumped coffee all the way down my (white, printed) dress first thing this morning. I had to wash the bottom half of it out in the bathroom sink and wear a wet dress until it dried. By the time I met with my boss this afternoon, she actually told me to feel free to go home early, so I used a couple hours' sick time.
I also found my first gray hair... yippee. At least, as a blonde, a couple here and there shouldn't be too obvious. I am trying not to have an "OMG I'm old" crisis. (Nate has lots of them, so that helps.) I am badly in need of having my highlights redone, and if I'd kept up with them, I probably never would've noticed the stupid hair. :-p
Oh, and the ringworm I got from the cats (no, it's not actually a worm; it's a skin infection) finally went away after 2 months... only for a new spot to appear a day later. So. Annoyed.
I'm tempted to call in tomorrow if I still feel like crap, but if I do call in, I'm gonna have a shit-ton of work to do on Thursday & Friday. Do Not Want.
In more pleasant news, I ordered my ticket for the bachelorette party (Journey & Darien Lake!).
I think it's time for bed.
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| Summer, Summer, Summertime... |
[03 Jun 2011|10:41pm] |
My summer class is not terrible. It's actually sort of a cool class (group counseling), though I'm still bitter over the fact that I have to take it -- particularly since I learned the same information in my UNDERGRAD group therapy class. I now have 13-hour days on Mondays & Wednesdays, so by the time Friday rolls around, I'm in "leave me alone" mode, because I'm mentally exhausted, if not physically,too. Last Friday, I had a meltdown and cried for 2 hours for no real reason other than stress. So, I have learned that for the month of June, at least, Fridays need to be my down time. I didn't go to Nate's tonight, opted out of Taste of Syracuse w/ Rand, Mel, Lishelle, and everybody else... I stayed home and cleaned up my bike.
Oh yeah, I bought a used mountain bike. And, since the previous owner had a beer sticker on it (Magic Hat beer, which made me think of stupid magicians, so I REALLY did not want it on there), and since I impatiently pulled the sticker off somewhat carelessly and chipped the paint... I have decided that the chip will be covered with a lovely Aerosmith logo as seen here:
http://www.rockstarhq.com/musicstickers/aerosmith.htm
Heh. :-)
I dunno, I just wanted a bike. The guys in my crew (Nate, Kev, Phil, Rand, Jim, and Greg) have suddenly gotten REALLY into mountain biking, and I have no intention of being all hard-core like they are (someone gets injured EVERY time they go biking -- I shall continue to decline), but I do enjoy having alternate transportation that does not involve $4/gallon gas. And it's good exercise.
My car is semi-fixed, btw. I'm actually pretty proud of myself, because I self-diagnosed the problem (a faulty Body Control Module, or BCM), and looked up how to fix it, and Nate & his dad were able to do it, which was awesome. The part alone was $200, and my regular mechanic wouldn't do it... a dealer fix would've been $400-500, according to what I found online. The dealer did claim that even if we replaced it ourselves, I had to have the part "programmed" by them, to the tune of $85... but further internet research indicated that the BCM usually programs ITSELF to the first key put into the ignition (you just can't RE-program it, which is why you can't get a used part). Dealers are frigging scam artists. Since everything controlled by the BCM (radio, windows, keyless entry, remote start, etc.) is working fine, I'm pretty sure the "programming" is unnecessary.
So, why only SEMI-fixed? Well, the driver's side window now has a different, unrelated problem with the motor. *sigh* I can only get the window to go back up in shifts... like it needs a 5 minute break before it can move another inch. Also, I apparently still have several slow leaks in various parts of the engine. But I love my car, and I'm not ready to shop for a new one, so I'm hoping that the repairs stay reasonable for awhile longer.
Despite my general sense of claustrophobia during Taste of Syracuse, I will be going tomorrow. Crystal is performing in the "local talent showcase," so a bunch of us are going.
The burlesque troupe has apparently disintegrated...I keep hearing that people are "talking" about finding practice space and starting it back up... but that's been going on for months, and nobody's done anything. I miss it a lot.
I'm also considering a second job. I don't NEED one, per se, but the more I think about possibly buying a house, the more I want to put extra money in the bank, "just in case," and my income isn't likely to change any time soon if I DON'T get another job. I'm not sure what I want to do, though... I'd go back to Blue, but they're pretty much requiring that people work EVERY weekend now, and I'm not ok with that. I want maybe a couple evening shifts and an occasional weekend. I saw a PT listing for the Salvation Army's pregnancy prevention program (for teenage girls), and I'm kinda interested, but the link to the position description was broken. I'm also torn between looking for another social services-type job (to build up my resume), or something completely different (so I won't end up even more burnt out). I dunno... I really can't do it until school ends, anyway.
Ok, sorry this is abrupt, but Pam just called, so I'm out.
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| Meh. |
[20 May 2011|11:31am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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I'm still in a rut. I've been in one for the past couple months. The consistently gray, rainy weather is NOT helping, particularly following the ridiculously awful winter that we had...
School starts again on Monday... Hopefully the last class I need. Unfortunately, I have no clue where to go from there. I know that I have to send my transcripts, get approval to take the exam, and then take it (another $200 for that, of course)... but assuming I pass, I then have to get 3,000 hours in the next 2 years, and 1,500 of them have to be "direct client hours," and my current job won't count. Plus, if the clients no-show (which happens a LOT), you don't get the hours.
I may be able to work something out with my boss to get my hours in the clinic we're supposed to be opening later in the year, but I'm not sure how/if it will work. So it's frustrating. I do NOT want to go elsewhere to get the hours, because I know what other agencies pay their therapists, and it's not good. It'd actually be a huge pay CUT.
I feel like I'm in a financial rut, too. I just paid a small fortune in bills over the past couple months, my renter's insurance is due, and my car needs some more work (nothing urgent in the immediate future, but a few things that could cause bigger problems down the road, and also, the stupid electrical problem that's been ongoing for the past year -- and which I already know will be an expensive fix). Every bill I have went UP, but I didn't get any kind of cost-of-living increase. I'm kinda thinking about buying a house next year, since my rent is now as high as some people's mortgages (if not higher). But house considerations bring a whole slew of other things to worry/obsess about, which is not good for my mental health. Those particular worries could be a whole separate blog entry, and maybe they will be (though it'll probably be a friends-only one, if I get around to it).
I'm just kinda bored w/ my life. I need a change. Nothing too drastic, cuz I'm actually pretty happy with my life in general... I just need to shake things up a bit. And that's hard to do when you're also trying to watch your money. I think maybe after I'm done with this school bullshit, I'll start taking random FUN classes -- maybe a cooking class, or guitar lessons, voice lessons, or a dance class. Again, that would involve money... but not as much as I've wasted on these stupid grad classes in which I've learned nothing useful, and at least it would be fun.
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| Ta-daa! |
[07 Apr 2011|08:23pm] |
I got my Lasik surgery!!! As of yesterday (the day after the surgery), my vision was at 20/15 (a bit better than 20/20). It actually seems even sharper today, so the 2-week follow up will be interesting!
For anyone contemplating it -- I had been told by different people that the worst part was, alternately, "the suction cup on your eye," "the noise of the laser," "totally psychological," or "the smell."
Every single one of those people, in my opinion, were dead wrong.
The worst thing, by far, was the device that they use to hold your eyelid open, before they even get started. That thing HURT. The rest of the surgery was an absolute breeze.
Yesterday was supposed to be my "take it easy" day; however, I started out the morning by hitting a curb on my way to the checkup and blowing out a tire. So I waited for AAA, then decided to kill time shopping until Nate got out of work (he offered to take me tire shopping so that I wouldn't get ripped off).
The only things I bought, really, were artificial tears (required by the doc) and new sunglasses (cuz I wanted them). But I was in the shopping plaza all day. Then I managed to get on the thruway in the wrong direction on my way home, and drive all the way out to Canastota (not even remotely close to where I needed to be).
So all in all, the past 2 days have been pretty damn expensive:
Sugery and meds - $3,400
Sunglasses - $20
Tire - $125
Getting lost (tolls & gas) - approx. $10-15
I just paid my car insurance (for the year) about a week ago, too, and bought an external hard drive... I have my car inspection tomorrow, and I still have to pay for my summer class, which is another $1,100.
I may need a part-time job... but I don't have time to work one, thanks to the aforementioned summer class! So I guess I'll have to cut down on my spending after this month.
Anyway, you know what I am most looking forward to about being able to see? Karaoke. :-) I could never see the lyrics on the screens when I went before!
I am also enjoying my 4 days medical leave from work. I was so burnt out, it wasn't even funny.
Girlcation is still being planned; however, 3 of the "definitely going" girls just backed out, thanks to one of my good friends (who shall remain nameless) talking them into going to Montreal, instead. The original plan was to go to Atlantic City; hence, those are the reservations we have begun making. I'm irritated, because we'd based all of our calculations on having at least 5 "definite" girls, and now we're down to 3. This is the same bullshit that happened last year... and this is why I'd rather make plans with guys. I'm sorry, but they tend to be more reliable.
Also, on a totally unrelated note -- I found the same color mint-green nail polish that I adored in high school (and could only find in a local skateboarding shop) at Rite-Aid today. So I think I'll be doing my nails while I watch Grey's tonight.
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| I really do seem to be on a monthly posting schedule... |
[22 Mar 2011|03:31pm] |
Here's my update:
Work is going fine... I'm going stir crazy, though, now that it's getting nicer out. I'm gonna have to start taking walks at lunch or something (after I get through school, because until then, I have to work through lunches to make up for leaving early).
I should be done -- DONE -- with these idiotic classes by the 4th of July. My last one will be a summer class that runs twice a week for 6 weeks... I'm sure I will be beyond stressed at that point, but I really want to just get it over with so that I'll have the rest of the summer free.
Girlcation is tentatively being planned for July. I will be seriously pissed if everyone backs out again, like they did last year. In fact, if that happens, I might just go on vacation BY MYSELF, because I need one, badly.
Drake's birthday party is this weekend... He wants a Harry Potter theme, and Nate waited til the last minute, at which point we discovered that there is NO Harry Potter merchandise in stores right now. Sure, you can buy it online... but the party is in 4 days. So we're getting creative.
My office alternates between freezing (yesterday) and feeling like the inside of an oven (today). I don't get it.
After 2 screenings/consults and much deliberation (and obsessive phone calls/texts to Jane), I decided on a Lasik place. My consult w/ the surgeon is on Monday, and the surgery will be scheduled shortly thereafter.
I wasn't really that nervous about it... Until I went with Nate to his eye appt. yesterday, where I promptly fainted (he was having a stye removed). I've never fainted in my life, and I didn't feel sick or anything... But one minute I was standing there, and the next minute, I was on the floor. This does not give me confidence in my ability to handle my own eye surgery. Thank God for valium and/or xanax (I'll go with whichever one is stronger, thanks).
BTW, Nicole told me that she "definitely" wanted to take the summer class with me, if I'd remind her to register... yet when I did, she blatantly ignored my text and hasn't spoken to me since.
I don't need this shit, seriously. I'm done.
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| Lasik! |
[22 Feb 2011|03:10pm] |
I finally booked a consult. Two, actually, for comparison. March 10th and 12th... I am partly excited, partly nervous, partly wondering if I'm an idiot for trying to come up with the money for Lasik, tuition, car insurance, inspection, and renter's insurance all in the same month... Ugh. And it's all very confusing. I have TONS of info, to the point that it contradicts itself and just stresses me out. So I keep asking Jane (my optometrist friend) and all of my other friends who've had Lasik a billion questions. Jane actually performs the surgeries now... I could go to her, but then I'd have to drive back and forth to Pittsburgh for all of the follow-up appts, which is a bit much. But, I finally bit the bullet and scheduled the consults... after those, I will probably have hundreds more questions for Jane.
The end is in sight for school (please, God!). I think I am going to take my last class over the summer... This will require me to find an extra 12 hours in my week, for 6 weeks -- a thought that I don't relish in the least. However, the upside to this approach is that I'll be done by the beginning of July. Then I'll get to see what other fun hoop-jumping is in store.
I talked to Bill last week, and we came to what I thought was a mutual understanding, and agreed that we still wanted to be friends, although we won't and can't be as close as we were in college. He apologized for totally ignoring me, and said he'd try to make more of an effort to respond. Ok... except a day later, I noticed that I was deleted off his facebook. WTF, I say.
Also, it really irritates me that Jackass (Dan) is still friends with my friends... he posted comments on Rand's facebook today, and instantly, I puffed up like an angry cat.
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